Gospel Paradigms

When I read the gospels, something that stands out to me now (now that I've been working in the international business world for years) that didn't stand out the first couple times I read them (in college and shortly after) is the importance of paradigms.  I've been to four other countries on three other continents for my employer and learned a lot about humanity in the last few years.  I've learned that we're all the same, that we all have approximately the same hopes and dreams for reasonably prosperity and happiness, and we all have things we like and dislike about our government and our leaders.  I've also learned that we're all very different, that there are some people on this planet who think very very differently than I do.  Some of them live a world away, some only live down the street.  Take this perspective into account the next time you read the Gospel of Jesus.

For example, for hundreds of years, even thousands, God had been foretelling the Jews that a messiah was coming.  God had used tons of prophets to be His voice.  Of all the prophecies over the years, when Jesus actually showed up the one that was the "prime directive" in many people's minds was Psalm 110:1, which says:

The Lord said to my Lord, “Sit in the place of honor at my right hand until I humble your enemies, making them a footstool under your feet.” [NLT]

Never mind that this was basically the only prophesy that didn't warn us that the messiah would be ridiculed, mistreated, misunderstood, murdered, etc.*  But remember that the Jews had glory days.  They remembered when David and Solomon were king, and they ruled the whole area.  But now, the Romans were in charge, and the Romans weren't the nicest bunch of dictators you could ask for.  The Romans were the enemies of the Jews, and many Jews were unwilling to accept a Messiah who didn't live up to Psalm 110:1 and kick the Romans out.  But think about that concept again, and what that really means, because Jesus was the Messiah (and still is).  So let's say that another way then.  Many Jews were unwilling to accept God's plan God's way and thought that either God should operate the way they expected Him to operate or He can just go to Hell.  We see that over and over again through the Pharisees and other religious leaders' interactions with Jesus.  It was never the fact that what Jesus did was inherently wrong or evil or malicious that absolutely infuriated them, it was that what He did constantly challenged and unnervingly quickly and effortlessly destroyed their paradigms of who God was, what God cared about, and more importantly, who they were and their place in the world.  Jesus even called them on this in Matthew 22:41-46, which says:

Then, surrounded by the Pharisees, Jesus asked them a question: “What do you think about the Messiah? Whose son is he?” They replied, “He is the son of David.” Jesus responded, “Then why does David, speaking under the inspiration of the Spirit, call the Messiah ‘my Lord’? For David said, ‘The Lord said to my Lord, Sit in the place of honor at my right hand until I humble your enemies beneath your feet.’ Since David called the Messiah ‘my Lord,’ how can the Messiah be his son?” No one could answer him. And after that, no one dared to ask him any more questions. [NLT]

Today, the way we think (in our paradigm) it is a non-issue for a son to achieve more power than a father.  Especially when the father is so old he's dead.  But to them, under their paradigm, this was a huge theological problem.  That's why no one could answer him.  They wanted to claim the part of the prophesy (that we now know as Psalm 110:1) that would give them power (God making their enemies their footstool) but they really didn't want to deal with the part where a descendant, or heir, could be more important than their predecessor.  Not because it mattered in an absolute sense, but because they had deviated from God's will so much and come to love the power and position they had gained over the years, that to admit not only that they weren't perfectly aligned with God but that God actually saw things completely differently than they did would stand a good chance of making them to look really stupid (since they were his ambassadors).  And if they looked stupid on this one (big) issue then they might loose all their worldly power and position, and that was the most unacceptable thing they could imagine.  One of them even came out and said it in John 11:46-48:

Some went to the Pharisees and told them what Jesus had done. Then the leading priests and Pharisees called the high council together. “What are we going to do?” they asked each other. “This man certainly performs many miraculous signs. If we allow him to go on like this, soon everyone will believe in him. Then the Roman army will come and destroy both our Temple and our nation.” [NLT]

Notice the comment about the Romans came second, and his first concern was actually for the people who looked up to him stopping and following Jesus instead.  There are tons of examples of even the apostles struggling with the paradigm shifts that God was trying to introduce.  One of my favorite examples is Peter.  Remember him, he is the guy that Jesus praises so strongly in Matthew 16:13-19:

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” “Well,” they replied, “some say John the Baptist, some say Elijah, and others say Jeremiah or one of the other prophets.” Then he asked them, “But who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus replied, “You are blessed, Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this to you. You did not learn this from any human being. Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means ‘rock’), and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it. And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.” [NLT]

Pretty cool, huh?  The Catholics believe Peter was the first Pope.  But then, in the next verse basically, Peter lets his paradigm get the best of him.  He's just been given this wonderful compliment from Jesus because of his faith, so Peter is probably feeling pretty bold, like he can take on the world.  Especially after that description of "whatever you forbid..."  Let's read it in Matthew 16:21-23:

From then on Jesus began to tell his disciples plainly that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem, and that he would suffer many terrible things at the hands of the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but on the third day he would be raised from the dead. But Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things. “Heaven forbid, Lord,” he said. “This will never happen to you!” Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.” [NLT]

Notice the comment "Heaven forbid"?  Remember what Jesus had said just a few sentences prior, about the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven.  Jesus all but tells him he's got the wrong idea (paradigm).  And then, a little while later, in Matthew 26, Peter was still hoping for his chance to be part of the beginning of the ultimate holy war where Jesus might forget all that peace junk he had been preaching for three years straight and go nuclear on both those annoying religious leaders and the Romans.  Let's read it from John though instead of Matthew, first in John 18:10-11:

Then Simon Peter drew a sword and slashed off the right ear of Malchus, the high priest’s slave. But Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword back into its sheath. Shall I not drink from the cup of suffering the Father has given me?” [NLT]

...and less dramatically in John 6:15:

When Jesus saw that they were ready to force him to be their king, he slipped away into the hills by himself. [NLT]

My next favorite example is John the Baptist.  John is put in prison and when he hears that Jesus is out and about doing lots of miracles, he begins to doubt because Jesus is taking too long to come, break down the door, and rescue him.  So John sends some of his disciples to ask Jesus what's taking Him so long to launch the rescue campaign?  The response is in Luke 7:20-23:

John’s two disciples found Jesus and said to him, “John the Baptist sent us to ask, ‘Are you the Messiah we’ve been expecting, or should we keep looking for someone else?’” At that very time, Jesus cured many people of their diseases, illnesses, and evil spirits, and he restored sight to many who were blind. Then he told John’s disciples, “Go back to John and tell him what you have seen and heard—the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor. And tell him, ‘God blesses those who do not turn away because of me.’” [NLT]

Jesus is saying God blesses those who do not turn away from God because He holds a different paradigm, or because He has different priorities, than we do.  Blessed are us who are prepared to drop our own priorities and accept God's.  Judas Iscariot was perhaps one of the best examples of this.  Judas, too, expected a military messiah.  You may remember Judas was the one who betrayed Jesus by selling him to the Jewish leaders for 30 pieces of silver.  But is what we read in Matthew 27:1-5 the tone of a man who hated his teacher?

Very early in the morning the leading priests and the elders of the people met again to lay plans for putting Jesus to death. Then they bound him, led him away, and took him to Pilate, the Roman governor. When Judas, who had betrayed him, realized that Jesus had been condemned to die, he was filled with remorse. So he took the thirty pieces of silver back to the leading priests and the elders. “I have sinned,” he declared, “for I have betrayed an innocent man.” “What do we care?” they retorted. “That’s your problem.” Then Judas threw the silver coins down in the Temple and went out and hanged himself. [NLT]

The subtext, in my opinion, is that Judas had a wrong paradigm which lead him to have unrealistic expectations for his messiah (Jesus) which caused him to sin.  Judas had been with Jesus since before Matthew chapter 10.  He was one of the original apostles (not just a disciple).  He knew who Jesus was, and he didn't have any disdain for Jesus.  What he had in mind when he sold Jesus was not too dissimilar from John the Baptist.  I think Judas was saying to himself, "I know, I'll get the Jewish leaders to come after Jesus and force His hand so that He'll have to get the military campaign started, because I'm tired of waiting for it."  Kind of like with Neo in The Matrix and Emit in The Lego Movie, where the main characters couldn't really fulfill their potential until they really believed in themselves, spurred on by one of the other main characters.  Perhaps Judas thought Jesus just needed a push to build up the courage to get things in gear.  All things being equal, this might have been alright.  However, God didn't really appreciate a mere mortal trying to force His hand (John 17:12).  Jesus knew what Judas was thinking and said in Matthew 26:23-24:

“One of you who has just eaten from this bowl with me will betray me. For the Son of Man must die, as the Scriptures declared long ago. But how terrible it will be for the one who betrays him. It would be far better for that man if he had never been born!” [NLT]

And lastly (for this blog post) we see all this paradigm stuff with the mock trial.  Even when they were criticizing Jesus in the last hours, they were in their own way giving Him a chance to get so mad that He'd succumb to their expectations and go on a nuclear rampage and kill all the Romans.  (That is, if He really was the messiah, then surely that's what He'd do.  And if He wasn't the messiah, then as far as they were concerned he deserved to die a hundred deaths for wrecking havoc on their little kingdom.)  We can see it in this modern dramatization of Matthew 26:59-68, from Mel Gibson's 2004 movie The Passion of the Christ.  (The only version of this clip on YouTube has no subtitles, the movie of course has them.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_h0TORihZk

The trick is the people were not expecting a humble servant but a super hero.  Contrast God's idea of a savior to man's idea of a savior in the following movie clip from Marvel's 2009 movie Iron Man.  While you're watching this, remember that the Romans, while honestly not all bad, in many ways fit the bill (as Obiwan Kinobi said, "from a certain point of view") exactly for what we today call terrorists.  Except they were in charge of most of the known world.  As setup, this clip is showing you a scene from the movie where the hero, Tony Stark, is sitting in his basement fine tuning this new suit of armor he's made after using an earlier prototype to escape from these very same terrorists he's seeing on the TV.  The suit he made is meant to be armor and the device on his hand was originally only intended to be used as a flight stabilizer.  Once he realizes it has an alternate use, that is the catalyst of inspiration to go and be some people's savior.

(Note: the clip I originally picked here has been removed from YouTube, here's another that starts a minute later in the movie but contains the most important part of what I wanted to highlight. If at some point this video is also removed then this one was an authorized clip so shouldn't ever get pulled, but leaves out the terrorist's actions which leaves out some relevant emotional context.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTqa-NEwUbs

Obviously "iron man" is not what the Jews had in mind, specifically.  But the power and vengeance that he demonstrated was more in line with what they were expecting their messiah to bring.  Reminiscent of the judge Samson, or the Angel of Death in Moses's day.

Now of course, fast forward a couple thousand years.  Are we any different?  Do we accept God's plan as God's plan or do we tell Him that salvation and the rest of the universe needs to work the way we say it should work, otherwise He can take a hike?  Never mind that He invented absolutely everything, even the energy you're using to power your brain as you read this.  For example, take any of the numerous cultural hot topics, including abortion, marriage, sexuality, gun control, the 10 commandments, and biological evolution. God stated His opinions on these topics very clearly, long before you and I were born. Do we care? Are we willing to reset our paradigm to conform to His (as revealed in His word) or do we live our lives as if we expect God to conform to ours? If you're reading this at Christmas, remember why Jesus came to Earth 2000 years ago and think about what that can mean for how you live your life. If you're reading this at Easter, remember why Jesus suffered and died on the cross, and think about what that can mean for how you live your life.

(* Other prophecies the Jews surely hung to (because it emphasized the Messiah's glory, not His suffering) were Isaiah 11 and 55:3-5.)

Prediction of inevitable smartphone design

I'm no Apple fan but when I saw the iPhone 6 this week I immediately thought "I want that." Then I remembered how many things about iOS I hate. But still, the hardware in this latest phone is stunning. I was thinking about why was I so strongly attracted to it. The reason I think is it comes closer than anyone's come before to making a real, fully functional computer look like a single simple piece of glass.

The ultimate design would be all black, the whole chassis the same color as the screen when it's off, so that we can't tell where the screen edge is. Whether it has rounded edges like iPhone 6 or hard edges more like iPhone 4 should be a mater of specific model choice, so long as it superbly fools the user into thinking, when it's off, that they're just holding a piece of tinted glass.

I remember the first time I used an original Kindle. It was years ago and I was browsing at Target. I wasn't looking for Kindle, I was just walking down the aisles and I passed a display for this plastic e-reader looking thing. I specifically remember thinking to myself "this must be a plastic sample of that new Kindle thing" (like how cell phones have plastic samples for display). Then when I touched it, the display changed from one page to another and I almost freaked out that it was a real, functioning device! I had never seen "e-ink" in person before. That surprised reaction of "this piece of glass is actually a working smartphone!" is the experience that the ultimate cellphone design will give us.

May someone beat Apple to it, or if not then at least have the guts to copy them and do just as good or better.

(from my phone)

Star wars ep. 3: a better idea (than Lucas had)

Add long time ago in a galaxy far far away...

So in 2005 when episode 3 came out the whole world was wondering what would cause this cute/ handsome/ young Anakin with so much going for him to turn to the dark side and into Darth Vader? We knew from episode 2 that he had a (not so) secret and forbidden love for Padme, and we knew from the original trilogy that he had kids with her, and she didn't survive to episode 4. So there was no question of what had to be accomplished in episode 3, it was just a matter of how.

[Warning, spoiler alert]

So how's Lucas do it? (Or at least, how does it end up after the forces of Hollywood produce it?) Anakin is freed from slavery and raised for ten years by the Jedi, but then turns his back on them because he realizes his girl friend is going to die in labor? Are you KIDDING ME? This from the movie series where Darth Vader cuts off his own son's hand and a day later Luke has a fully functional prosthetic? HELLO? How many of our mothers in the 20th century had cesarean sections to deliver complicated births? I'm sorry, but I walked out of the theater opening weekend in 2005 saying "that was so stupid! What a let down." But I'm the kind of guy who likes to put his money where his mouth is, so here's my better idea.

I don't care how the writers or director want to accomplish the story flow, but here are the highlights of what _I_ would have made sure was accomplished/ revealed in episode 3.

1. Before he was senator, as part of a bribe or even premeditated assassination/ betrayal of his predecessor, Mr Palpatine has a short visit to Tatooine. There he gets distracted by a girl, has a one night stand, and rather than be dull and simply kill her, he figures out how to sell her into slavery to cover his tracks. But he's already a Sith, so he uses his skill with the Force to wipe her memory of the night. Time gets short to fulfill his real reason for being there and he forgets to check if he created an offspring. And he never bothered to learn her last name.

2. Jedi are formidable in man-to-man combat, but when they're passengers on a starship they're as vulnerable as any man. Palpatine should have found out about Anakin and Padme and manipulated/ lied to Anakin to make him think the Jedi were going to harm Padme or somehow separate them. Simultaneously he should have found a reason to get the Jedi to all go on a ship somewhere, all except Anakin. Palpatine should have attempted to kill Padme but either make it happen over time or simply half fail and only mortally wound her so she could still deliver her babies. He'd have to do it in such a way that he never got close enough to notice she was pregnant and in such a way so as to blame it on the Jedi. (Perhaps she has an 'accident' and falls, and had Anakin been there he'd have able to rescue her but he was off on some menial mission for Yoda and Palpatine made sure Anakin was thinking of Padme when she fell so he'd know about it but be just too far away to get there and he'd feel helpless like when his mother died. Then Palpatine could send Anakin in a small ship with big weapons to "hunt down and destroy the Jedi" in revenge, as Obiwan said in episode 4. By taking out their ship he'd take care of them all at once, and Obiwan and Yoda could have some embarrassing reason they weren't on the ship (unbeknownst to Anakin and Palpatine). This would be superior to the Jedi being betrayed and overcome by mundane clones.

Of course if you're familiar with the Oedepus story, you can see what a twist this plot line would cause. Think about episode 6 and Palpatine and Vader trying to kill Luke and go after Leia and Luke convincing Vader to instead kill Palpatine. Talk about a messed up family. Sadly, that's actually fairly believable in today's world.

3. Then there's the whole deal of "Master Sifodeous" creating the clone army for the Republic and conveniently dying a little later. Yoda and Windu seem familiar with him in Episode 2, if Lucas had filled the rest of us in in episode 3 on who he was and why he did such a thing then that's called suspense or a cliff hanger. But when he didn't, that's called a gaping plot whole. It would be fitting if Sifodeous was Palpatine's Jedi Master (instructor). And then there's that lame comment from Mace Windu to Yoda about the Jedi's ability to use the Force deminishing. What?? Another unexplained plot whole that my better idea is to just leave out (of episode 2), I see no way to salvage that idea.

Do you think my idea is better than what you saw in the theater? I'd like to know.

Memories from Nanjing

We started the process of adoption in January of 2012. We might have finished a year later but Christmas slowed down the USA portion and Chinese New Year slowed down the Chinese portion. In January 2013, at one point I set a countdown timer on my phone, hoping we'd travel and be back by March 1. We didn't leave before then, but coincidentally we got notified of our Consulate appointment on March 1, which was the very last thing we needed before buying airline tickets.

We had no lines in O'Hare.

It was a nice flight from Chicago to Beijing except a bumpy, quezy landing. Pickle was a great traveller. You and mommy had noise canceling headphones, daddy just used the provided ones. The plane had 9 seats across and we sat comfortably in economy plus, with one window, middle, and aisle seat. I brought a splitter so two people could listen to the same movie at once. Pickle watched Madagascar 3 with mommy then Wreck it Ralph with daddy. She played Bejeweled 2 a lot in between movies. Mommy had Finding Nemo going and fell asleep, Pickle half watched, listened, and played Bejeweled. Later after a nap mommy watched the first three of the four Pirates of the Caribbean movies and daddy watched the remake of Total Recall.

We had no lines in the Beijing airport layover either.

Smooth transition to hotel, though guide wasn't there at first and substitute showed up delayed by someone double parked and then traffic. If we weren't experienced we'd have been worried, but we're experienced. Our guide, Savor (pronounced See-va) was great, giving us recommendations and schedules.

The three of us went to the Purple Mountain Park Plumb Festival on Sunday. It was pretty, but difficult to find where we wanted to go without being able to read anything. The concierge got us a taxi and we ended up walking a slightly wrong way (west rather than north) but we asked someone where we were and found our way to Ming's Tomb. The weather was nice but colder than expected and by that time Pickle was pretty cold so we went back to the hotel. Later we had Pizza Hut for dinner. They actually had cheese and peperoni pizzas on the menu. (That's normal in the USA of course but we've been to Pizza Huts in China and Taiwan before that didn't.)

Monday morning we went to some city office and Coco and Sung had Daniel waiting for us at the front steps.

Afterwards we returned to the hotel and took a little walk. We sort of went looking for Walmart but it was farther than we wanted to walk. We got my favorite picture by the river (not that you can tell it was taken by a river). We ate lunch at McDonald's and found out you love spoons and have no interest in even the smallest pieces of french fries or chicken chunks. The rest of us ate McDonald's chicken mcnuggets for four lunches this week.

We went to a mall only one block away with an orange wall facing the street. We went for lunch (we found a McDonald's there) and to look for shoes for the boy. The orphanage had given you to us with good clothes but we figured we'd return them since we have plenty. The only shoe store we found that had kid shoes was a Crocks store. Your big sister also got a Hello Kitty pair. They were $60 each pair. Ouch, but only shoes we could find on short notice and limited mobility. Pickle was such a good traveller and big sister that we were happy to treat her, though we used up our cash on hand and I went back to the hotel to get more. We went back for dinner at Subway and the fountains were all little up. These were some of my other favorite photos from the trip.

While Savor took someone else to their orphanage far away, Nancy took us to ours on Thursday. Nancy is the same lady who helped last June. We got lots of pictures of where you spent all your time and we were happy to see what kind of food you were used to since you weren't eating much of what we offered you. You're used to an Oatmeally consistency congy/rice/veggie/meat mashup. It was also nice to meet the nanny who took care of you the most. She was very nice.

Thursday night when I sat on the couch to feed the boy his bottle I crossed my leg and he did the same :)

Friday night we flew to Guangzhou and had a half hour drive to the hotel. Many of the buildings were covered in lights. I wonder if it's like how corporations in the USA have lots of land but that's impossible (impractical) in China so they deck out their buildings instead. Just a guess.

Are you sure you're American?

A friend at work asked me this at the end of lunch on Friday. She's a Muslim girl who I've had the privilege of eating and talking with a few times over the last half year or so. We work in the same building. We disagree on a few things, but that doesn't limit our ability to be friends (in a cursory sense). For example, months ago, Israel came up, and she said she suspected she disagreed with me so strongly that we better not discuss it, so we skipped that topic. Just this last Friday she said she'd gone home to the Middle East over the Christmas holiday (since our company gives us a whole week off thanks to the union and old-school-Midwest influences). She said that, while there, she had met with an old friend and debated her heavily against the merits of homeschooling.

Her reasons were standard. She didn't use the word specifically, but I told her that her arguments are typically summed up in my experience by one word: socialization. I explained my wife and my reasons for homeschooling our kids (perhaps that'll make a good, separate, post sometime) and by the time I was done I had convinced her that the world is a very different place than when we grew up and homeschooling is a good idea. When I explained all of our reasons, she was so surprised how much she agreed with me that was when she asked "are you sure you're an American?"  I took that as a great compliment, and she confirmed that was how she meant it.  I guess she's only heard about the stupid things Americans say and do (and from her perspective, she probably has reason to associate American stupidity and Christian stupidity together) and I hate to admit, but there are a lot of stupid things we all do.

That goes both ways though. Most Americans think everyone in the Middle East is a friend of what we call terrorists (or worse, they may actually be a terrorist), but that's just an erroneous assumption. See this article from a Saudi journalist.  We all have a lot of learning to do, and I hope in the moment we can remember to give each other grace.

My experience in a (four) Chinese hospitals

(This was written on Tuesday, June 26, on my last day in the hosipital, but couldn't be posted until I returned home.)

On Thursday, June 21, I was in Beijing, China.  I had been in China for almost two weeks.  My friend checked me into the nearest hospital ER (emergency room) a few minutes past midnight.  Praise God the doctor on duty for the night shift could speak English (this was a local hospital, not a big one) and the cardiac specialist could also speak English.  I went in because my stomach was feeling really bad.

A few days prior, on Sunday night, I was in Jiamusi (very northern China) and my friend took me out that night after we checked into our hotel.  There was a street fair going on (kind of like an annual town party up and down a few blocks of the street).  We walked around and my friend bought some local food being cooked on the street.  It looked like an omelet wrapped in a lasagna type noodle and put in a cup.  We watched him cook it, then my friend gave it to me.  I said something like "yeah right" and he said it's a Jiamusi unique food and I should try it because it's very good.  He had bought one for me and him, and we had watched it get cooked, so I said I'd try it.  Then we took two steps over and he wanted another (what I would call) exotic food that looked like a squawker of little squid tentacles.  We watched it get cooked and then when he asked for two I knew what was coming next.  Again he said this was unique in all of China and it's good so I should try it.  The first thing I thought was I have no drink.  If this is revolting, I'm stuck with it.  But he insisted and had bought it already and we watched it get cooked, so I accepted it.  I sampled both and that night I woke up in the middle of the night with diarrhea.  I took a pill of antibiotics that the company nurse had given me a few weeks prior and instructed me to take if I got traveler's diarrhea.  The diarrhea didn't return and I took the pills twice a day for two days.  That left me with two pills left which I saved for the trip home, which was the upcoming Saturday.  However on Wednesday (the day I stopped taking the pills) I started feeling bad in the mid afternoon.  I took a nap from 6-11pm and woke up at 11 with a really bad feeling in my stomach.  Specifically the top of my stomach, like I needed to throw up but for some reason couldn't.  It felt so bad that I was honestly concerned for my life.  Oddly, it wasn't "painful" like you might think, it just felt really really "bad," as unspecific as I'm sure that sounds.  It was midnight where I was but back home it was noon, and my company nurse would be online.  So I instant messaged with her and she suggested I start the last dose of that medicine, and I did.  But it was going to take up to a couple hours to take effect and I'd obviously need more to last me until Sunday, and I was feeling really bad, so I asked my friend to take me to the hospital.

By the time the hospital had taken their blood test and gotten the results, the antibiotics had kicked in and my stomach felt almost fine again.  But the blood tests were very alarming to the doctors.  They thought I had in process or had just had an acute myocardial infarction.  I had no idea what that was, and I felt fine so all I wanted was more antibiotics to make it through the rest of the week and I figured I'd check with the doctor when I returned home.  But while waiting for another test to come back I looked up the definition of this problem they said I had on my free Merriam Webster's Dictionary on my phone and it only had two words.  That was all it needed to say.  It means "heart attack," so though I felt fine, I decided it was too risky to ignore their concerns and let them do what they thought needed to be done.  The staff took an ECG (electro cardio gram) and were even more concerned.  The blood test showed that three enzymes were up ridiculously high.  (Later, a friend from home whom I called said this was evidence that my heard muscles were dying.)  They had me take some aspirin and after the first two (with no water) the doctor said I should chew the next three.  Not fun.  I almost gagged and threw it all up.  But I appreciate his attempt to keep me alive.  I asked them to write down in English what statistics they had seen that worried them so much and called my mom, since she's a retired registered nurse.  I gave her the stats and she was of course concerned.  My colleagues who were with me were trying to get a hold of my doctor in the USA but weren't successful for various reasons.  This hospital wasn't prepared to do anything further and I was transferred to an international hospital later in the morning (probably about the time most of us were waking up).  But when they found out I was there because there was a strong chance I had had a heart attack, they immediately sent me to a specialty hospital.

At the specialty hospital they did more tests and were sure I needed an angiogram.  (This is where they make an incision in your groin and stick a fiber optic camera up one of your arteries all the way to your heart and take a look from the inside.)  It was hours between when I arrived and when I went in for surgery.  I got the feeling later that financial details were being worked out but I didn't care, I wasn't in a hurry to go in and I didn't want to know what it would cost.  So I laid there almost flat on a bed for many hours.  Fortunately for me I had I think 4 coworkers there who cared about my health.  This was my first experience in a Chinese public hospital.  Really my first experience in any public hospital.  I was in a room with seven other people with curtains dividing the room (sort of).  I had to use the restroom and instead of being brought a wheel chair they brought a custom shaped bucket and said I should go in that.  Yeah right.  Perhaps it's standard to do that worldwide when you're stuck in a hospital bed for fear of any biological movement to exceed an invisible threshold and kill you, but I've never done it and wasn't excited to try.  So one of my colleagues got me a portable potty and I was allowed to get off the bed to sit on the potty four inches away from the bed.  This guy helped me go potty (including holding the curtains so I had a semblance of privacy) and then literally carried the mess away for me.  What a friend!

I went into surgery at exactly noon, and they finished about 12:45.  They were expecting to find 95% or more blockage, but praise God they found 0% blockage.  I was awake during the procedure and only had local anesthetics because the doctor wanted me awake so I could tell him if I felt any pain where it wasn't expected.  Not the most comfortable activity of my life, but the local anesthesia was essentially effective and there was no significant pain.  After the surgery I spent the next six hours laying in a hospital bed (which is very normal for angiogram recovery).  It was a room with seven other beds, though the one next to me wasn't filled while I was there, and the beds were separated by a curtain like the previous room.  While in bed I just couldn't win.  It was a firm mattress (if you call it a mattress) and when I was flat on my back, my spine hurt (as it has for years whenever I lay like that).  So I got the doctor to agree to my laying with head and feet slightly elevated, which made my spine feel fine.  But then I just couldn't lay there any longer without going crazy and after a couple hours asked if I returned the bed to a flat position if I could lay on my side.  It took a couple times asking before he thought it was safe, but eventually he did.  Then that got old and I returned to the somewhat laying position.  I spent an hour or two like that and felt fine this time, but then realized both my wrists had gotten completely stuck in a bent position, presumably from laying the same way for so long (though that has never happened before and I've laid in the same position for longer).  It took a full hour of gently urging back to a straight position before they were normal again.  My fingers worked during this time, but my wrist was unable to obey movement commands.  I asked one of my colleagues to ask the nurse (who didn't speak English) for a washcloth soaked in hot water to help the restoration of my wrists.

After the six hours were up they suspected I'd want to change hospitals.  A doctor from the International SOS (a global healthcare coordination company my company works with) arrived and offered if I wanted to go to a more "western" style hospital in town or if I wanted to be "air ambulanced" to a hospital in Hong Kong.  I figured if I was going to fly, I'm flying home, so across town would be fine.  They decided that since the next day (Friday) was a holiday that traffic would be worse than normal in Beijing, so I should be transferred to the next hospital ASAP, even though the city's rush hour still wasn't over at the time (7pm).

So an ambulance showed up shortly after my 6 hours in bed were up and took me to the fourth and final hospital of my adventure.  It was interesting going to so many hospitals.  You can probably tell by the style of my writing in this post that I'm a factual and logical kind of guy.  So as I was being carried on stretchers (both ambulance and hospital kind) I couldn't help but notice what it was like to actually be the one on one of these things, just like I see on TV (especially since my wife likes to watch murder mystery TV shows).

I was admitted to the ER, and requested to use the restroom immediately.  I felt like I was going to explode.  They let me go and then I figured out the fun way that by taking anti-diarrhea medicine I was now constipated.  Great.  So they helped me back to a private room in the ER and asked me the usual questions of the day (do you smoke, do you drink, do you do drugs, do you or your family members have any history of heart disease).  Whenever I'd say "no" to both the smoking and drinking questions all the nurses would raise their eyebrows in surprise and go "huh?" and often they'd say "you are a good man."  My colleagues were there with me, I think five of them.  The staff decided I didn't need the ER services and quickly upgraded me to the ICU (intensive care unit).  They did the usual tests (blood sample, blood pressure, pulse, ECG, oxygen ratio, and heart ultrasound) and we called it a night.  By the time all these were done it was 11:00pm, 24 hours since I had last woken up.

Considering what seemed to be going on, my experience of the day was very nice.  All the doctors who've seen me have spoken English, my colleagues in country here have done a fantastic job of keeping me company and watching over me in my many times of need.  My boss back home in the USA has assured me to worry about nothing and she'll take care of everything.  People from the ISOS company have offered options, advice, and help coordinating anything I'd like, though my local colleagues have been taking care of enough for me.  (By the way, the term "local" isn't exactly right, because they all live and work 2 hours away in TEDA (tianjin economic development area, but they came to Beijing to help me).  The nurses who don't speak English have tried their best to meet my needs and explain what they need me to do, and were very nice about it.  All the doctors were very courteous and seemed to genuinely care about making me healthy, even when I looked very skeptically at them that I had any problem of the magnitude they suggested since I felt fine.  The nurse who rode in the last ambulance with me was very nice and talkative, which was exactly what I needed since I had to go to the bathroom so bad and needed a distraction.  I don't really know what it's like to literally be a prince, but I'm sure it feels like this.  (Not that a prince would want to be hospitalized, but if you're going to, this was great care.)  I think six people from work have kept me company each day.  Three of them had cell phones that could call home and I was able to call wife every twelve hours the whole time, as well as occasionally updating mom and boss.

The ICU room was a huge private room.  It was big enough for at least a dozen people and equipment, with a private bathroom.  That stay only lasted a day, and I don't remember much from Friday.  I do remember that walking was not easy, a few steps was as far as I could go without help.  The only practice I got was walking in the bathroom (which wasn't more than a few steps, but that was enough).  At first they wheel chaired me all the way to the stall, then by the next day I was able to walk across the little room, barely.  For those of you logical people like me out there, it's curious why my body didn't function.  The difficulty was mainly the discomfort of the angiogram healing, which wasn't "painful" but rather uncomfortable, but I didn't want to cause damage (which would surely be painful) before it was done healing.  Having one or two IV's (intervenes) sticking out of you doesn't make it easier, either.  Saturday morning I was doing well enough that I was upgraded again to the general ward.  On the way we stopped by the x-ray department and they confirmed there was a problem with my lower lungs, probably a bacterial infection.  The new room was still private, not quite as big (but big enough) and with more character (not a huge sterile white room) and just as many (if not more) features (including big screen TV, sink, private bathroom, and fold out love seat).  I spent almost four days here and it felt like a dorm room, because there were always between 1-4 other people here, we had a TV (which we didn't watch) and we were in a big building on a floor with a bunch of other people and girls (nurses and other workers) came and went all the time.

Saturday afternoon I was able to walk around the room without difficulty, but I could tell that was going to be as far as I got that day.  Sunday I walked down the short end of the hallway and was able to shower for the first time since Wednesday morning.  This was the first time I showered since it was the first time I could stand long enough (though they had one of those shower seats so I didn't have to literally stand the whole time).  Monday I walked down the long end of the hallway and walked to radiology in the next building over, where they rechecked my lungs.  (After three days of antibiotics on Monday my lungs were fine.)

Saturday I still couldn't talk on the phone very long without getting tired.  This is a really weird feeling for someone who's used to being healthy.  (Also, in case you don't know or don't remember, Beijing is 13 hours ahead of Chicago, so when I'd call home at night it was their time to wake up, and when I'd call when I woke up they were going to bed.)  My breathing on Friday and Saturday was often short unless I intentionally slowed it down.  It didn't feel bad to breath slow, but if I forgot about it I would breath fast (short).  I had my friends read to me in the morning but then realized my brain couldn't stand sensory data and had to ask them to stop.  All the lights were turned off and though I have a ton of music on my phone I just couldn't listen to it.  We talked sporadically because that involved short gaps rather than a continuous stream of sight or sound like recorded media has.

Sunday was relatively quiet.  Between one and three friends were around most of the day.  My friend tried reading to me but it was getting too much, so I asked her to read me anything she wanted in Chinese, so my brain wouldn't be able to "process" what she was saying, but I could close my eyes (they still for some reason were tired) and her voice would keep me company.  The rest of what happened that day I already explained above.

Monday afternoon I went to radiology while my friends went out to lunch.  When I got back I looked through the stack of DVDs they have in the room and found one that I thought I'd try.  I started it but then my friends returned and I turned it off to not waste my time with them.  That evening after they all left (but one) I resumed the movie.  It was "It's Complicated."  By Hollywood standards it's probably a great movie.  But by Christian and otherwise generally human standards it stunk.  The reason I kept watching it was it created a great opportunity to discuss these normally difficult and tender concepts with my friend, who is at least ten years younger than me.  I paused the movie I think three times so we could discuss how much people want to choose both their actions and their consequences, but we only get to choose the former and we're stuck with the later.  We discussed how wrong adultery is, even though the movie didn't come out and say it (that stupid movie even hinted that the opposite may be true).

I talked to my Cardiologist, Dr. Bai, this morning and she confirmed I did not have a "heart attack."  The data we had on Thursday morning (the blood test with elevated enzymes and the EKG) did point to one, but subsequent data (mainly the angiogram) has made it clear I did not.  Assuming God didn't do a miracle and clear up my arteries for me, the latest theory is that I contracted a bacteria and/or virus that attacked my heart and lungs.  This is a serious differentiation for my future health, my sister's, and that of my biological daughters.  Thursday morning my white blood cells were up, later that morning after I had taken some antibiotics they were down, then after that wore off the white blood cells were back up again.  This is textbook symptom of a bacterial infection (and tells you how many blood tests I got that day).  The ultrasounds have all turned up normal (I suspect even the one at the first hospital did too) and the EKGs have been fine since day 2, though they were completely different on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but completely normal on Monday and today.  They also revealed an incomplete right bundle branch block, which she said 20-50% of all people have and is insignificant.  Ken Ham, the founder of one of my favorite ministries (Answers in Genesis) has a saying: "It's designed to do what it does do. What it does do it does do well."  I suspect my heart is working just fine, but I appreciate the care and caution I got when the warning signs were noticed.

Followup: I did some Internet searches after I got home (at 3am while jetlagged) and found that there are a lot of people in the last decade or so who don't think heart attacks are caused by the traditional paradigm of artery blocks.  A growing number of people seem to be thinking heart attacks are caused by very small fatty deposits on the artery wall that break and form only temporary clots that quickly disappear.  Obviously this would stink, because detecting these is extremely difficult.  I'm no doctor and don't know if this is an acurate model of reality, but if it were true would make it more believable that I had a [minor] heart attack.

Missed Opportunity

(Written on Tuesday, June 19, in a hotel in China, unable to post until I returned to the USA.)

Well, I blew it tonight.  It didn't even occur to me that I could have.  I was on a random street in a random town in a random country where the native language wasn't English, and I was tired.  I had just finished a good dinner and had just started heading back to the hotel when I heard someone say "Hello."  Again they repeated "hello!"  I am used to walking through big cities in foreign countries (and at home) and just ignoring people who say that.  They typically want to sell something.  It didn't even occur to me that this would be different.  Again she repeated "hello!"  And still I continued to walk by without looking.  Eventually I glanced and halfway smiled, and I noticed it was a young lady, perhaps 20, respectfully dressed, and a handful of other girls.  I saw her for about half a second, but continued walking.  I didn't really think anything of it.  As we're walking to the corner to get our taxi, one of my colleagues said "she was talking to you."  Still, it didn't really register.  Or at least that's what I tell myself.  But after it was too late I realized, duh, she was speaking English to me, and duh, she wasn't trying to sell me anything.  She just thought it novel to see a white man walking by and wanted to say hi, and I snubbed her.  There goes a huge opportunity to put my money where my mouth is and prove that "everyone matters" by taking two seconds out of my day to stop and say hi, or even have a short conversation with her.  But I was tired, and now it's hours later, and she was a random girl on a random street in a town of millions, on a planet of billions, and the opportunity slipped through my fingers.  Not that she matters to me specifically, but she matters to God, and what better way to prove it than to have acknowledged she existed and maybe even told her explicitly that God loves her.  Hopefully next time I'll be better prepared.

I'll take care of you

When I was in Waterloo, Iowa, I thought my property taxes were high.  They were about $1,000 a year for a four bedroom, two and a half bath, two story house on a quarter acre.  When we moved to a new state in 2009, I was pretty upset with my bank at allowing me to get a mortgage that was more than I could afford... again.  I was upset at my last bank for allowing me to max out my spending, being young myself and my first house and not realizing what it would do to my budget.  Then when it happened a second time I was annoyed at both my bank and myself.  But then I realized, it wasn't my mortgage, it was my township!  The mortgage was actually perfectly reasonable, but my property taxes were ridiculous.  I bought a new house in 2009 (built less than two years earlier) and the taxes were $4,000.  Then the next year they doubled to $8,000.  Then the next year they went up to $9,000, this year they went up again, and next year if they increase by even 1.2% then they'll pass $10,000.  Ahhh!!!  (This is for a four bedroom, two and three quarter bath, ranch house on less than a quarter acre.)

However, that's just background, it's not the point of this post.  The point is how God proves His involvement and concern in our lives in His own, subtle ways.  This year our federal income taxes were $3,095 and our state were $3,303.  I'm not telling you this so you can reverse calculate my income, nor so you'll feel sorry for me, but the details really matter here, so stick with me.  Also remember in December how I posted that we were blessed to be able to sell stock and pay off our mortgage.  The last sale was intentionally larger than needed to pay off the mortgage and all the excess was saved for the inevitable taxes.  The amount leftover was $4,396.95.  Also in April, my grandma gave me a $2,000 check (it's been too long and I forgot to write down why).  So let's do the math: 3095+3303-4396.95-2000 = $1.05.  One dollar???  Surplus???  God is saying, despite all circumstances, "I'll take care of you!"

That's not the only time this has happened in the last few months.  But first I want to point out that I'm absolutely not a health and wealth preacher.  God does not have a goal to make all Christians rich, and He doesn't promise health or prosperity to all His followers.  He does give us guidelines for how to live, saying that in general, if we take His advice then our lives will go well.  He does say His preference is for us to be prosperous (Jeremiah 29:11) however God also is obsessed with free will.  He is generous to the good and the evil among us (Matthew 5:45) and if we choose to be evil, then that will have consequences for everyone (and everything) around us, and the Christians aren't exempt from that (John 15:18-19).

So another way this happened since tax season was my car.  I was working at the office on a warm and sunny day and left my windows down when I parked in the parking lot.  Near the end of the day I started hearing some strange noise while in the office and wondered what it was.  Honestly, I didn't recognize it as rain because it was pouring down so hard and so thick and in such defined waves that it didn't sound like rain, it sounded like something running across the building.  When I realized it was rain I immediately thought of my open windows and "oh great."  Fortunately for me, the rain stopped before I left the office.  As I walked to my car through the drenched parking lot, I thought surely my seat would be soaked, and so would my daughter's car seat (I happened to be picking her up tonight).  As I approached the car, I saw the windows still open, as I had left them, and beads of water on all surfaces.  But as I opened the door, the seats were dry.  All of them.  All four windows on my car were down, leaving at least an inch opening each.  I was parked facing south, and two people told me later (not to mention my own observations from inside my office) that the rain was coming down sideways from the east.  There's no way my car interior could be dry without a miracle from God.  God was again reminding me that "I'll take care of you."

Another side note, when I hear from God that He'll take care of me, I again don't believe in health and wealth.  So when I hear Him say that, two days ago it meant He'd take care of my taxes.  Yesterday it meant He'd keep my car dry.  Tomorrow it might mean even though I'm being tortured for Christ, even if I die from the persecution, God will still take care of my soul and can manage my family just fine without me.  Obviously this isn't a pleasant thought, but it's important to acknowledge.

A third way this happened recently was at the beginning of our vacation.  I typed this up in China two weeks ago (China blocks anyone from accessing this website so I couldn't post what I'd typed) while there on business, and the prior two weeks I was on vacation with my family.  We had a great American vacation and packed up the car and drove cross country to visit the nation's capital, and a couple other places along the way.  We drove and camped in tents wherever we wished in great American freedom.  The first stop we made was at the Creation Museum, just outside Cincinnati.  This was my wife's and my fourth visit to the museum, and our kids' third.  It was an eight our drive from home to the museum.  I filled up on gas in our home town just before getting on the highway (and after dropping off some books at the library), and reset the trip odometer.  I didn't think about gas until the next morning.  As we got into the car and turned the ignition, I checked the fuel gauge.  It didn't move.  About thirty seconds after being in motion the fuel empty warning light came on.  Obviously we went straight for the nearest gas station.  The trip odometer read 410 miles, which is about as far (not farther) as we've ever gone with a single tank.  And that with a 125% full trunk and a big bulky two seat stroller strapped on top of the roof (creating drag that God apparently dismissed in order for us to tie our gas mileage record).  Just as obvious, if our drive had been even ten miles longer, we would have run out of gas and had a much different experience on our first night of our two week vacation.  Praise God for divine timing!

Fourth and lastly (for now), the next leg of our trip had a similar experience.  The next leg was from Cincinnati, Ohio to Dover, Delaware.  Our map program said this would take nine hours.  We left around 9am and at 5pm it was becoming clear we weren't going to make it in 9 hours.  We called the campground and they said as long as we were there by 10pm, then there'd be someone to help us in.  My wife was estimating that we'd get there by 7 and that should be fine.  We made no extra stops and took no scenic routes and drove the speed limit the whole way, and we pulled into the campground at, no joke, 9:59pm.  Would the world have ended if we pulled in at 10:01pm?  No.  But this was another way of God saying "I'll take care of you," and just as importantly, it's His way of saying "you can trust me for both the big stuff and the small stuff" (John 3:12).  Just as important, by allowing me to write this blog post, He's not only saying it to me, but He's saying it to you, too.

The Prayer of a four year old

Back on May 29, 2012, little Carrot (almost four and a half years old) prayed without excessive prompting that "Jesus would take away her sins" at the Good News Club.  Mommy was leading the weekly event and after the lesson time she offered (like every week) the 20 kids if anyone wanted to go back with Ms. Dawn then they could.  Carrot went with a couple other kids and said the above on her own, without being instructed.  That's great, Carrot!

Capitalism & Socialism

(This was typed in mid May but was delayed at being finalized until now.)  Following is a modern parable.  My comments will make more sense after you read this.

[Begin parable]

     An economics professor made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said, “OK, we will have an experiment in this class”. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A…. (substituting grades for dollars – something closer to home and more readily understood by all).
     After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
     As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. It could not be any simpler than that.
     Remember, there is a real test coming up: the elections. Here are five critical applications from this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of all the people.

[End parable]

So the first question is, do you agree or disagree?  Disagreement would involve having contradictory or conflicting facts or interpretations, which might make the above wrong. If you do not have this then you simply dislike my conclusions and it's important to consider that the above is true.

A friend responded after reading this that socialism is in between Capitalism and Communism, but that's incorrect.  Capitalism and socialism are on opposite ends of an economic policy spectrum. Communism is a form of government that employs socialistic policies.  Democracy and monarchy are two alternatives to communism, capitalism is not. As I was thinking about writing this, a thought popped into my head about the specific socialistic classroom idea presented in the parable above.

Schools around the world are either capitalist or extreme capitalist, but I've never heard of a socialist school.  What I mean is, even in China (one of the first countries I would think of if you asked what countries in the world are communist, after Russia gave up on it, even though China has actually flushed Communism down the toilet in favor of Capitalism anyway) the students are graded individually.  Each student gets a grade for their own work. (However "own" is different in China than in the USA, in China it's expected due to their interdependent culture that students will cooperate to get assignments done, whereas that would be called cheating in the USA. But the point is each student gets their own grade.) This is capitalist, because you get what you deserve based on your performance & results.  Then there's extreme capitalism, and that's also called a bell curve. With the bell curve, not only do you get what you deserve (the opposite of everyone getting the same) you only get the best grade if you're better than your immediate peers, not just better than the objective test. If socialism were so great then why would it not have a manifestation in school grading?

So let's be clear on the rub. Socialism makes everyone equally poor and capitalism makes everyone unequally rich.  If your priority is equality then you're automatically going to side with socialism and put all effort into raising the bar for everyone from poverty to wealth. If your priority is accountability and meritocracy then you're going to side with capitalism and spend your philanthropic efforts on helping people understand what it takes to succeed in a capitalist society and then providing the opportunities for people to make themselves rich. A key point there is the last three words: "make themselves rich," which carry an implication of hard work. I know some of you reading this are going to hate me for saying that, but if we're honest (and pessimistic) then socialism could be interpretted as a philosophy of the lazy and capitalism could be interpretted as a philosophy of the arrogant.

Am I really trying to promote either one? Not really, I just want us to be honest and consistent. If you want to be rich, you either have to be capitalist or be the one in charge of a socialist society. If you don't care if you're rich and you just want to survive, then either philosophy will suit your needs, though socialism will be a lot easier. If you're a career politician, odds are you want to be rich. So if you're a politician and you're touting socialism then you're probably a liar who thinks socialism is great for the masses because it allows central control of all resources which thereby allows you (the people in charge) to control and distribute the money. If you're not a polititician and you desperately want to convert your capitalist society into a socialist society, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you're serious, well intentioned, and would honestly follow through if given the opportutnity. But there's this problem that rich people don't feel comfortable in socialist societies because there's always the threat (if not the explicity mandate) that their wealth will be taken from them. So that means in a truely socialist society anyone who actually develops a good work ethic (even though there's no incentive to do so) will abandon ship at first opportunity and move to a capitalist society where there will be legal protection of their wealth. This trend will severely hamper your efforts to raise the bar for the general population and perhaps even make it impossible.  Which then begs the question, is it better to dedicate your life trying to change human nature and get socialism to work, or is it better to figure out how to work within the bounds of Capitalism and spend your life dedicated to making sure we all treat each other as humans (are accountable for our actions)?